Why do the blues hit when a colleague leaves?

They enlighten us

Because colleagues are reassuring landmarks

Everyone needs a little reassurance. And the permanence of certain people around you is part of this framework. Jean-Yves Arrivé, author of the guide Knowing how to live your emotions

For the author of the guide Knowing how to live your emotions, “You can feel a form of disarray even when people with whom you didn’t particularly get along leave. Because one of the roles of a colleague is also to provide guidance to an employee. At the sources of this observation, the consultant first sees a worry legitimate. “The individual in general, and the employee in particular, are very sensitive to changes. And, above all, without necessarily admitting it, they are often afraid of it. »

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Because a departure gives rise to an anguish of the unknown

According to the author, it is necessary to succeed in perceive and accept the emotion that arises. “In general, it refers to a certain stress and anxiety about the unknown. Don’t we often say that we know what we lose and not what we gain? “One of the concerns will be whether we will get along with the person who will arrive, adds Jean-Yves Arrivé. With, also, the fatigue of having to get to know each other again or become attached to a new colleague who will undoubtedly end up leaving in turn.

Because a departure triggers a fear of attachment

Being “lazy” to suffer again is a classic romantic relationship that rubs off on relationships at work. “What’s the point of getting attached since he’s going to leave too. What to do about these irrational emotions? Regain control by trying to be positive.

“Whatever the quality of the resigning colleague, we must give credit to his replacement, advises Jean-Yves Arrivé. And to think that this person will be great, that they will bring us new things, even new skills. Without denying what is happening, nor a certain melancholy, we can therefore try to see the glass half full…

Because a departure can be experienced as a loss

“Obviously, everything depends on the context of the departure, recognizes Helen Monnet, author of the book Small exercises of letting go. If one were friends with the colleague who is leaving, the discomfort felt is similar to a form of mourning “. For this trainer and personal development coach. , one of the ways to release this emotion is simply to express it. “It’s not necessarily obvious, but it can be very liberating to go see the employee in question and tell him how he feels. » No need for tremolos but for a sincere word. “We can just try to tell him in the most authentic way possible that we feel a little sadness following this departure, that we worked well together and that it will not be like before without him or her. You just have to avoid bitterness or denigration of the decision that has been made. »

The most modest – or latecomers who react after the starting drink – can also choose the email option. “We can also simply send him a note of a few lines to validate in some way the beautiful parenthesis spent together because it is not always easy to express or receive the emotions of others in business. »

Because a departure can reveal a buried desire

But some emotions are more confusing than others. Why this feeling of blues when it’s an n + 1 that we hate, even a lambda colleague with whom we hadn’t particularly hooked? “You have to welcome what you feel and then go see what’s behind it, recommends Catherine Oberlé, personal development coach. In other words, to wonder why the banal news of a departure affects us so much. It’s never unusual. One can feel envy for the departing colleague. And this feeling can be the engine of an interesting questioning…”

For Helen Monnet, we are not immune to a good surprise in the midst of this melancholy. “If you want to go a little further, you can consider a skills assessment or a point with a coach. Maybe it’s time to move on for you too. After all, it is also a beautiful mirror on your own situation that a colleague holds up to you, often without knowing it…”

Your testimonial interests us

And you ? Do you have a colleague leaving experience to share? The forum below is open to you.

  • Colleague or collaborator appreciated or not?
  • What emotions did you feel?
  • How did you cope?

NB: you have the option of remaining anonymous (using a nickname). Your shares will help the community prepare for this classic of professional life. Thank you all.

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